they tried to make the glass look like me
when kelly and cade realized they can trade shoes.
today was my grandma's birthday. we all went to table mountain to eat lunch and celebrate together. man i really love my grandma. she's the nicest person i've ever met. she never ceases to amaze me with her kindness and humor. im glad i got to see uncle robert and uncle alan. i havent seen them in so long. and my uncles alwayss have the best stories to tell. while we were waiting for our table for an hour my uncle sat down and talked to me one-on-one. he started out by asking if i was playing hard to get. at first i was confused but after realizing this is the same uncle that always asks if i have a girlfriend or not i finally realized he was talking about with girls. i told him that i wasn't playing hard to get. that i just havent met a "good" one yet. which led to him giving me advice on joining clubs, dating people that are younger than me, and asking whether or not i could tell if a girl liked me or not. i told him that i was pretty good at telling. and he asked me what i did if a girl told me she liked me and i didnt like her. i said i didnt have to worry about that and he laughed. truth can be funny haha. he continued to ask me why i was still single in college. how when he was my age he was worried that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. i didnt really know how to answer him. but i told him that my priorities were someplace else. i wanted to do well in school. to strengthen my relationships with people. to strengthen my relationship with God. which he responded by asking if i would go to the movies by myself. i said no i would drag a friend along with me. he said that after a while my friends would be married and have their own families and that i might not be able to just be the third wheel forever. i said that it was ok as long as they had kids i would just take the kids to the movies. again another laugh at the truth followed.
i get that its not that easy to meet people after college is over. and i realize that there is prime pickings in college based on compatibility educationally as well as maybe socially in the future. but ive never really been scared that i would run out of options in the future. i told my uncle that i was scared of rushing into something now that i didnt really want and then be stuck with something that i was happy with but that wasnt worth it in the long run. i told him i was scared to settle for just anything. he shook his head and said that its better to try now and realize that youre settling and get out of it while you still can, rather than panicking later and settling because you feel like youre running out of time. this kind of scared me. i had always thought that i would settle too early and wouldnt really see who or what was still out there for me to encounter, but i never really realized that panic would ensue after a certain age and i might just take anything in fear of being alone.
i do fear being alone. but i have enough faith to keep me from panicking. if im meant to be married and spend the rest of my life with someone then i will. but if not. then i wont. kind of a faulty way of thinking. but it's my shortcut out of actually coming up with the real reason behind my twisted mindset. maybe right now im not ready. maybe in the future i will be. whatever the outcome i know i'll get used to it either way. i'll be happy in the end. (but i do want children haha).
sorry for the long word vomit. i just needed to document it for future's sake.
after that i came home and played mario with my siblings again. then headed to the local elementary school to play basketball. i came out as the knock out king. my dad finished as the pony champ. and cade, my dad, and i won the three on three basketball game against my mom, matt and kim. haha it was actually a lot of fun.
ate dinner with the family and then headed over to nathan's where we played video games for a while. then tried to solve logic games that ryan was coming up with. i can't believe the answer was midget. hahaaa..worst answer/riddle ever. haha. after that we talked about friends and relationships. finally returned home after seeing how scary blogs can actually be. but i dont really care about people reading mine. there's nothing to be ashamed of here. except maybe my onesie photos. haha.
